TIMOTHY WALSH, M.A. LPC NCC CCTP
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5 Rituals of Connection - for when you're just not vibing.

8/3/2017

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Couples who share rituals are able to  create shared meaning together. Daily rituals help shape our lives in positive ways and habits are super important to our success in all areas of life. Generally speaking, habits and rituals make us more productive and healthier. In a relationship, world-renowned marriage and relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman, calls these habits rituals of connection. Here are 5 rituals that you can build into your relationship right now to begin creating new or renewed connection in your relationship.

1. Eat meals together without screens, your texts and emails can wait. So can the Instagram photo of your plate of food.

2. Have a stress-reducing conversation. Take a few minutes each day to ask how your partner is doing. The purpose of this conversation is to process external stress, not to bring up problems in your relationship. Couples who engage in "active listening" by taking turns sharing how they feel and to sho compassion to one another, will grow immensely in their emotional connection.

3. Take a vacation without the kids once a year. If your budget doesn't allow a big trip, try camping or a weekend get away.

4. Exercise together. Studies show that sharing an exciting experience can bring couples closer together. Experiment with new and different ways to get moving.

5. Share a kiss. A daily six-second kiss will increase your emotional and physical 
intimacy. Physical contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone), can improve our mood (for days) and can help you stay calm. Holding hands, hugging, touching, and making out can reduce your stress hormones (cortisol) and increase your sense of relationship satisfaction.

Dr. John Gottman suggests that couples commit to a magic six hours a week together, which includes rituals for saying goodbye in the morning and reuniting at the end of the day. Sticking to these rituals will help you grow stronger in your relationship.
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They can't even. Why anxiety is so prevalent among 20-somethings

3/19/2017

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So, according to the American Psychological Association (APA), millennials experience more stress and are less able to manage it than any other generation. What's up with that? Millennials have been found to be more anxious than older Americans. The APA reports that 12% of millennials have a diagnosed anxiety disorder—almost twice the percentage their Boomer counterparts.

On a non-clinical scale, a BDA Morneau Shepell white paper revealed that 30% of working millennials have general anxiety, while a 2014 American College Health Association (ACHA) assessment found that anxiety regularly afflicts 61% of college students. In my work with college students, I have found this to be an accurate representation. Anxiety and stress sabotage my students' productivity and academic performance. Some sources of millennial anxiety may be due to a tough job market, student debt, as well as psychological causes. Some psychological causes that I have seen in my practice are issues such as ambition addiction, career crises, and choice-overload. However, even more simple day-to-day behaviors can trigger anxiety. Here are some reasons that I've witnessed why 20-somethings are so anxious:
  • Constant use of social media. On average, millennials spend 3.2 hours a day on their phone. That adds up to almost a full day of each week that 20-somethings are glued to their personal glowing rectangle. Many of us are obsessed with Facebook, Twitter, Gmail, Instagram, and Snapchat, and we often report that we feel the need to be plugged in at all times. But millennials have this belief worst of all with 93 percent of them admitting that they regularly use their phones in bed at night, while 80 percent of the group are on their phones in the bathroom. The continuous use of social media incites the behavior of constantly comparing oneself to other people. The more time we spend looking through everyone else's lives, the more we begin to believe that we're not good enough.
  • Instability of work and finances. In the survey conducted by the APA, researchers found that job stability and money were two of the primary things millennials get anxious about. So, yeah, wiser generation, it's not because millennials are lazy and can't keep a full-time job; rather, many of them happened to be graduating college just as the economy collapsed, so they weren't left with the best options. Maybe during that time millennials had trouble finding work or got laid off unexpectedly. Whatever the case may be, millennials surely haven't had it easy when it comes to careers. Furthermore, a person's 20s aren't the most financially stable decade of their life. Millennials are often stuck paying hefty student loans while at the same time attempting to pay their huge rents. Increasingly common is the fact that one in every five young adults are financially supporting an aging parent, and these young people are spending an average of $18,250 a year doing so. And the cherry on top of it all — they simply are unable to save much money.
  • A healthcare system that does not recognize psychological issues often enough. The 2013 APA study found that 33 percent of highly stressed Americans had never discussed their anxiety with their medical provider. When young adults see their doctor, they're typically either feeling very sick or they're just there for a simple check up. It seems as though it doesn't occur to young people to go see a doctor for the sole purpose of discussing their struggles with anxiety, which in return results in a lot of anxiety disorders going undiagnosed. If we taught the our kids that stress and anxiety need to be treated the same way as any other problem in our body, we'd probably have a new generation more comfortable with the idea of seeking out care for their mental health.
  • Millennials are not leading very healthy lifestyles. Sure, Millennials don't drink alcohol and do drugs any more than any other age group in America, but that doesn't mean there aren't any issues with how much they misuse substances. When we're young, people often tend to feel kinda invincible, so they believe that they can party often and bounce back quickly. That mindset can be pretty destructive, though — drinking a lot and using drugs can make your stress and anxiety spike through the roof, especially if you're not eating a healthy diet on a daily basis. It's important to exercise regularly, eat whole foods, and stay away from using substances to self-medicate. Instead of partying on the regular, get involved in the community and help others. You'll feel empowered, like you can really have a positive impact on the world instead of being a victim of it.
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TJ Walsh, MA LPC NCC CCTP
1221 Locust Street, Floor 2
Philadelphia, PA 19107

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  • Home
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