5/4/2018 0 Comments
Infidelity is the most common type of betrayal that our society focuses on, but really, it's the subtle, unnoticed betrayals that truly ruin relationships. Check this out -When partners do not choose each other day after day, trust and commitment erode away.
Partners might be aware of this disloyalty to each other, but dismiss it because it’s “not as bad as an affair.” This kind of thinking is false. Anything that violates a committed relationship’s contract of mutual trust, respect, and protection can be cataclysmal.
Betrayals are founded on two building blocks: deception (not revealing your true needs to avoid conflict) and a yearning for emotional connection from outside the relationship.
Below, I've listed three betrayals that ruin relationships. It's only by purposefully confronting and taking responsibility for them that couples are able to reestablish their trust in each other.
It’s very easy for platonic friends to bond in the trenches of work, day after day. Sometimes we call this person a “work wife” or “work husband.” Even friendships made at the gym or local coffee shop can threaten the bond at home. These nonsexual relationships can lead to both parties sharing intimate details about each other’s lives. That sharing within a friendship doesn’t make it a betrayal. What makes it a betrayal is this: if your partner would be upset by the things you’ve shared or would be uncomfortable watching the interaction.
Joe first learns of his wife’s sexless affair when they hosted a Christmas party. Kate has never mentioned Chris, the new manager of her department. At the party, Chris seems to know about Emily’s entire life. He even brought their son Jake a the newest version of his favorite game.
Joe looks at Kate with a shocked expression. Her uncomfortable look sinks his heart. When he approaches her after the party, Kate argues about her friendship with Chris. She tells Joe it’s “nothing” because they are “just friends.” Kate then turns against Joe and defends Chris. She accuses her husband of being irrational and jealous and tells him it’s those reasons that he didn’t know about Chris in the first place. Joe feels there is nothing irrational about his jealousy. Whether he admits it or not, his wife is cheating. The evidence lies in her secrecy.
5 signs your partner’s friendship is not an innocent friendship:
Couples don’t feel supported when one partner walks the fence of the relationship. They don’t feel like their partner has their best interests at heart, that they have their back. When this happens, it’s not uncommon for the betrayed partner to blame a trigger as the real problem, when it’s actually the lack of commitment.
As Camille reflects on her first marriage, she knows she began to feel betrayed when her husband stalled on starting a family. At first she thought he was anxious about becoming a father, but in couples therapy it became clear that he was hesitant to deepen his commitment to her.
Like an anxious lover, she clung onto him with desperation, terrified of losing her marriage until she realized she never really had one to begin with. Sometimes a partner may pressure the other to marry or move in, believing that taking the next logical step will deepen their connection, but it’s difficult for a marriage to succeed if it is built on a vow to create a strong bond rather than the result of one. The shallowness of the bond will eventually leak through the connection.
Steps to create unconditional love: When couples ignore or dismiss talking about difficult issues, they are left with a shallow commitment. By using conflict as a catalyst for closeness, couples can intentionally use problems as an opportunity to discuss their goals, fears, and dreams. Couples that unconditionally love each other live by the motto, "baby, when you hurt, the world stops and I listen."
Emotional withdrawal can be something big, like choosing a work meeting over a family funeral, or it can be as small as turning away when your partner needs emotional support.
A committed relationship requires both partners to be there for each other through the earth-shaking traumas and everyday annoyances. That means celebrating joys and successes with your partner, too.
Everybody has different ways of expressing themselves. In a committed relationship, it is the responsibility of both partners to uncover and disclose these preferences to understand what the other requires to feel loved, protected, and supported. Think of The Five Love Languages. In his research lab, Dr. John Gottman discovered that happy couples turned toward each other 86% of the time, while unhappy couples turned towards each other only 33% of the time. That means unhappy couples withdraw 67% of the time! Emotional withdrawal sets in when someone's bids for closeness are ignored.
Solution: To improve your emotional connection, focus on rebuilding and updating your Love Maps, cultivating a culture of admiration and fondness, and turning towards bids more often.
Do any of the items listed above feel familiar or make you feel uneasy? If so, you may be facing a betrayal. Maybe it’s as serious as finding discomforting text messages between your partner and someone else. This list is not about who is right or wrong. Like sexual affairs, these betrayals can be overcome if you recognize the problem and repair the relationship together.
What feelings were denied you as a child?
Did your parents or caregivers say:
Hendrix acknowledges that the rules of emotional expression differ between men and women. Early on, we realize that what’s “allowed” for boys and what’s “allowed” for girls is clear.
Hendrix recognizes that, for boys, emotional expression or the expression of empathy is perceived as weakness or fear. Girls, on the other hand, are encouraged toward these tender exchanges.
Males learn to cut off their own emotional experiences, which, in turn, impacts their ability to express themselves clearly and to develop empathy for their partners. The cutoff that I refer to here often looks like withdrawal, leaving the more emotionally expressive partner to chase after the distant one. These interactions create a negative withdraw-pursue cycle in the relationship.
In my work with both heterosexual and same-sex couples, I have seen these patterns play out repeatedly. Men and women repress their feelings based on a host of unique factors. Factors that influence emotional repression can be traced back to early childhood. These can include influential personalities in the individual's family of origin, cultural and religious background, definitions of masculinity and femininity, trauma, the political climate, and more.
Some of my most meaningful work with a person occurs when they learn how to undo their own emotional repression. Here are some of the steps we take to help them emotionally evolve.
1. Learn Emotional Language
When repressed enough, partners lose their ability to retrieve the language or emotions. Evidence of this may include responses such as “I don’t know” or “I can’t describe it” when a person is asked how they feel. In therapy, we start small, reviewing the six most basic human emotions: anger, sadness, fear, joy, love, and surprise. But knowing the feelings is not always enough to name them and experience them in the moment.
2. Work from the Outside In
We register our feelings in our bodies. We typically feel our emotions in our throats, behind our eyes, in our torsos (including back and chest), in our bellies, and sometimes in our legs, arms, hands, and feet. When you learn the sensations of the body you are then able to connect your experience to the learned emotional language. Heat in your cheeks might connect to anger, a lump in your throat might indicate sadness, loss of breath may connect to surprise, and butterflies in the belly or ice-cold palms may mean fear. Practice noticing your reactions to conversations and experiences, pay attention to your body, and begin to make the connections for yourself.
3. Verbalize the Feeling
Once you tune into the sensation and connect it to the relevant feeling word, you can verbalize the feeling by sharing with your partner. You can say, for example, “I’m aware that I have butterflies in my stomach and that I feel scared,” or, “I can feel my heart pounding right now; I know I’m angry and I need time to cool off.” Being able to verbalize your feelings gives you and your partner a chance to communicate about what’s fueling them and why they may be uncomfortable.
When you complete all three steps, you've begun to overcome emotional repression. You’re no longer detaching from your feelings. You’re no longer denying yourself the right to speak up about your experience. You’re allowing others to know you more deeply.
Of course, there are other feelings words, such as disappointment, loss, confusion, bewilderment, hope, excitement, and others. But for anyone who has a lifetime of emotional repression, the six most basic human emotions often capture enough to name the feeling adequately. As you become more habitual in sensing, naming, and verbalizing your emotions, consider expanding your emotional language to describe how you feel.
For those of you on the receiving end, check in with yourselves. Make sure you want what is offered. Anger, sadness, and fear are generally harder to receive than love, joy, and surprise. Sometimes, people tell me they want their partners to express themselves more fully, but when they do, the receivers struggle to take in what their partners say.
Healthy emotional communication requires everyone to be both a giver and a receiver. Reciprocation of emotional expression provides the best environment for intimacy between people to grow. If you are struggling with this, either individually or as a couple consider making an appointment with me or another qualified therapist.
Hendrix, H. (2008). Getting the love you want: A guide for couples. New York, NY: Holt Paperbacks.
GoodTherapy.com: How to Overcome Emotional Repression in Your Relationship
Relationships can bring up all kinds of unexpected obstacles, and therapy can be a helpful tool to navigate them. But what if there's no significant conflict at play? I get asked this very question pretty frequently as a therapist who works with many young couples who are just starting their journey together. My answer to them is that you don't have to go to couples therapy just because you're in an argument. You can go to couples therapy to make your relationship with partner better—which is actually a pretty sufficient and healthy enough reason to begin in the first place.
It doesn't matter if you've been together for one week or five years, you learn new aspects of your partner's personality all the time. It's not like you enter a relationship and have your partner fill out a personality questionnaire (or do you?) so you know as much as possible about them right off the bat. No, you figure it out along the way.
There are ways to understand your partner better that don't entail a personality quiz (although sitting down together to learn your Myers Briggs or Enneagram types could be a fun date, but I'm a dork so what do I know?). Couples therapy is one way to do that. I can hear you now: "We never fight. Why would we go to therapy together?" Well, couples therapy isn't just for couples who are on the brink of breaking up. It can actually be a beneficial tool to know your partner better in many aspects of your relationship. Couples therapy can help you learn about those little quirks a little bit faster, and in a setting that allows you both the space to air your thoughts in a safe manner.
By attending therapy when you're not in a fight or experiencing a crisis you can improve the quality of your relationship and deepen your empathy and understanding, and to communicate in a clearer and healthier way.
When you come to therapy before your ship starts to sink, we can more quickly work to gain heightened sensitivity to each person's feelings and needs, boundaries and vulnerabilities. Couples therapy increases knowledge and understanding of yourself and your partner, which helps both of you be kinder to themselves and each other. And that helps each person know and express their needs, communicate more skillfully, and be more attuned to the feelings and needs of their partner.
And guess what? All of these practices are useful for any couple at any stage in their relationship.
You and your partner don't need to be at each other's throats to reap the benefits of couples therapy. And in fact, getting comfortable with communicating honestly now might save you from an emergency session with a couples' therapist down the road.
We've all experienced being hurt by someone we love. It's inevitable. Even when two people have a connected, secure and healthy relationship, they will end up hurting one another at some point. We're human. That's just the way it is. When couples come to see me for therapy, it's often due to an experience or pattern of experiences that caused one or both of the partners to feel hurt. The couple decides to come to therapy because they are having a difficult time resolving this hurt. They need some help in order to feel safe with each other again.
When working with couples, I want to understand the nature and significance of the hurt before moving toward resolution. How bad is it? How deep is the impact? First, we must understand the two levels of hurt: relational hurts and attachment injuries.
Relational Hurts (Hurt Feelings)
Couples who are secure in their relationship can usually navigate relational hurts on their own. Some examples of relational hurts might be forgotten anniversaries, reactive insults, or blow-up fights that sneak into relationships. For couples who feel they can depend and rely on each other in times of need, relational hurts are pretty simple to navigate. Attuned couples do this by sharing their hurt feelings with each other, hearing and empathizing with the hurt of their partner, and they provide comfort and reassurance. Partners can then move forward in the relationship with trust, security, and safety despite the hurtful experience. This is a natural and expected experience for healthy relationships.
I can often tell when a hurt falls into the category of a relational hurt. In our sessions, couples may share feelings of sadness, anger, hurt, and pain in response to an experience. But when I ask them if they feel their partner loves and cares for them, they can quickly answer “yes.” For them, even though the hurt happened, it hasn’t significantly changed the way they view each other or the relationship.
Attachment injuries are trickier. These injuries require a lot more care, consideration, and guidance, sometimes from a couples counselor.
When couples are trying to respond to attachment injuries as if they are merely a relational hurt, they can stay stuck. Without recognizing the significance and impact of the injury, they can go down a long road of frustration and more hurt. An injured partner can feel even more hurt that the other person is not responding in ways that provide healing. The hurt deepens, becomes more complex, and can create great distress in the relationship.
Dr. Sue Johnson defines an attachment injury as “a feeling of betrayal or abandonment during a critical time of need.” When an attachment injury happens, a partner may view their relationship as changed or they may view their partner in a different way. An affair is a good example of an attachment injury. Infidelity often causes a partner to view a previously safe relationship as unsafe. While they used to view their partner as trustworthy, they now wonder, “Can I ever trust this person again?”
There are also more subtle attachment injuries. One example to consider is that of a wife, grieving the loss of her mother, crying in her bedroom. The wife observes her husband walk by on his phone, consumed in a work call. He sees her in tears but, because he was so focused on his work, he never returns to check on her. In that moment, the wife decides she is not important to him and she must go through this pain alone. In that moment, everything changes in how she views the relationship and how she views her husband. She was in need and he wasn’t there.
There are three ways to determine if a hurt is an attachment injury. First, partners report they have apologized, but their hurt partner keeps bringing up the hurtful experience. In addition, the hurt partner may report feeling as though they relive the hurtful experience when they think or talk about it. They can still feel the pain, almost as if it just happened. Finally, couples report a significant, defining shift in the relationship felt by one or both partners that can be traced back to a specific time or incident. If any of these things are happening in your relationship, there may be an attachment injury.
If you believe you are dealing with an attachment injury in your relationship, here are some helpful things to think about:
GoodTherapy.com: Relational Hurt or Attachment Injury? How to Tell the Difference.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is a metaphor depicting the end of times in the New Testament. They describe conquest, war, hunger, and death respectively. Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship.
The first horseman of the apocalypse is criticism. Criticizing your partner is different than offering a critique or voicing a complaint. The latter two are about specific issues, whereas the former is an ad hominem attack. Criticism attacks your partner at their core. When you criticize, you're actually working to dismantle his or her whole being.
The second horseman is contempt. When we communicate in this state, we are truly mean. W treat others with disrespect, mocking them with sarcasm, ridicule, name-calling, mimicking, and/or body language such as eye-rolling. The target of contempt is made to feel despised and worthless.
“You’re ‘tired?’ Cry me a river. I’ve been with the kids all day, running around like mad to keep this house going and all you do when you come home from work is flop down on that sofa like a child and play those idiotic computer games. I don’t have time to deal with another kid – try to be more pathetic…”
In his research, Dr. Gottman found that couples that are contemptuous of each other are more likely to suffer from infectious illness (colds, the flu, etc.) than others, as their immune systems weaken! Contempt is fueled by long-simmering negative thoughts about the partner—which come to a head in the perpetrator attacking the accused from a position of relative superiority. Contempt is the single greatest predictor of divorce according to Dr. Gottman’s work. It must be eliminated.
The third horseman is defensiveness. We’ve all been defensive. This horseman is nearly omnipresent when relationships are on shaky ground. When we feel accused unjustly, we search for excuses so that our partner will back off. Unfortunately, this strategy is almost never successful. Our excuses just tell our partner that we don’t take them seriously, trying to get them to buy something that they don’t believe, that we are blowing them off.
Although it is perfectly understandable for the male to defend himself in the example given above, this approach doesn’t have the desired effect. The attacking spouse does not back down or apologize. This is because defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner.
The fourth horseman is stonewalling. Stonewalling occurs when the listener withdraws from the interaction. In other words, stonewalling is when one person shuts down and closes himself/herself off from the other. It is a lack of responsiveness to your partner and the interaction between the two of you. Rather than confronting the issues (which tend to accumulate!) with our partner, we make evasive maneuvers such as tuning out, turning away, acting busy, or engaging in obsessive behaviors. It takes time for the negativity created by the first three horsemen to become overwhelming enough that stonewalling becomes an understandable “out,” but when it does, it frequently becomes a habit.
Pay close attention the next time you find yourself engaged in a difficult conversation with your partner, a friend, or even with your children. See if you can spot any of The Four Horsemen, and try to observe their effects on the people involved.
Being able to identify The Four Horsemen in your conflict discussions is a necessary first step to eliminating them, but this knowledge is not enough. To drive away destructive communication patterns, you must replace them with healthy, productive ones. Take the first step to discovering healthy, productive methods of communication and patterns of interaction by starting couples counseling today.
From a recent study comprised of 40,000 "Relationship Checkup" participants, Dr. John Gottman, a primary figure on the relationship research and couples therapy scene since the mid 80’s, has new data. Here are just a few relationship research nuggets on heterosexual couples from his study. You might find some of the results surprising!
What percentage of couples presently engagee in therapy is at least one partner considering an exit? 66%
82% of couples are having problems with loneliness in the relationship
What About Problems with Intimacy and Sex?
Sex Quality: 55%
Sex Frequency: 49%
How many partners have problems with trust? 66%
The Top 3 Things Couples Fight About:
86%: Not having fun anymore
74%: No emotional connection
Speaking of conflict, the biggest obstacle to productively navigating conflict in relationships is flooding. Flooding means that the heart gets to 100 beats per minute, and when that happens it is nearly impossible to communicate from a calm, grounded place. In fact, when flooded, communication can be erratic, irrational and possibly damaging to the relationship. The antidote is self-soothing or helping each other soothe, if possible. Sometimes leaving the situation (in a structured time out) is the best thing a couple can do for a relationship. 96% of couples are flooded during conflict. It is interesting to note that LGBTQ couples seem to do a much better job than heterosexual couples with conflict and communication.
I will leave you with one more nugget and it’s an important one to consider for those who are struggling in married or long term relationships: The #1 predictor of divorce is contempt. If you are calling your partner names, assassinating their character or hitting below the belt in other ways…and you would like to save your relationship, please seek counseling for help.
When inquiring about my services, many people ask why I don't accept their insurance plans. The answer can be a bit complex, but it really comes down to my ability to offer my clients the best care in the most effective, flexible and efficient manner possible.
Fee-for-Service counseling is a great option when you find a therapist that you'd like to work with. You may assume that it means a greater financial commitment from you, and sometimes it does, but often a clinician like myself is willing to work with you on a sliding scale so that you're are able to afford care without being burdened financially.
The benefits of fee-for-service counseling are many; the first of which is the fact that you're putting yourself in control of your treatment by being able to choose the therapist you want to see instead of being put on a waitlist.
Another big benefit of working with a fee-for-service therapist, is the ability to remain in counseling for as long as you and your therapist believe it is beneficial to your change and growth. Insurance companies often put a limit (6, 8 or 12 sessions) on what they will pay for, not taking into consideration whether or not the client is "better" or ready to leave counseling.
Further, insurance providers require a mental health diagnosis to be assigned to each patient in order for payment. Many people do not want a mental health diagnosis associated with themselves for a variety of reasons. Choosing to remain separate from their insurances for their mental health care, allows them this peace of mind.
These are just a few reasons why I choose to remain separate from insurance companies. I'm happy to discuss further with you the benefits of working with a fee-for-service therapist or answer questions specifically pertaining to my rates and sliding scale if you're interested in setting up an appointment with me.
Couples who share rituals are able to create shared meaning together. Daily rituals help shape our lives in positive ways and habits are super important to our success in all areas of life. Generally speaking, habits and rituals make us more productive and healthier. In a relationship, world-renowned marriage and relationship expert, Dr. John Gottman, calls these habits rituals of connection. Here are 5 rituals that you can build into your relationship right now to begin creating new or renewed connection in your relationship.
1. Eat meals together without screens, your texts and emails can wait. So can the Instagram photo of your plate of food.
2. Have a stress-reducing conversation. Take a few minutes each day to ask how your partner is doing. The purpose of this conversation is to process external stress, not to bring up problems in your relationship. Couples who engage in "active listening" by taking turns sharing how they feel and to sho compassion to one another, will grow immensely in their emotional connection.
3. Take a vacation without the kids once a year. If your budget doesn't allow a big trip, try camping or a weekend get away.
4. Exercise together. Studies show that sharing an exciting experience can bring couples closer together. Experiment with new and different ways to get moving.
5. Share a kiss. A daily six-second kiss will increase your emotional and physical intimacy. Physical contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone), can improve our mood (for days) and can help you stay calm. Holding hands, hugging, touching, and making out can reduce your stress hormones (cortisol) and increase your sense of relationship satisfaction.
Dr. John Gottman suggests that couples commit to a magic six hours a week together, which includes rituals for saying goodbye in the morning and reuniting at the end of the day. Sticking to these rituals will help you grow stronger in your relationship.
What are some of the reasons that you become stuck in your ability to create? Many reasons and excuses exist for stopping ourselves from being creative. If we are able to become aware of when and how we block ourselves, we can make a conscious effort to change our habits. We can let go of the excuses and give ourselves the opportunity to enjoy the creative energy that we all possess.
Are you aware of the inner critic that seems to sit on the shoulder of each of us? It's hard for me to think of a time when I've created a picture or written an article that I didn't, at some point along the way, judge myself: "Is this good enough? Is it worth it? It's terrible, isn't it?" I know I'm not alone. I've met enough people throughout my life and work to know that most of us seem to go through this same thought process, constantly. It's funny, though, that as young children we were able to be creative without any worry about our creation's "rightness," "beauty," or "good" or "bad" qualities. We were absorbed by exploration and experimentation. But as we've grown we began to incorporate the critic for many reasons - to help us discriminate aesthetically, to help us improve the way we approach a project, or even to be useful to others in society. However, just like many tools that we develop over time, the critic becomes unhelpful when it puts shame, embarrassment, and fear into our lives. These things prevent us from being creative.
Good news! We can acquaint ourselves with our inner critic so that it does not dominate our feelings and behavior. One way to do that is to let go of that harsh judge. Simply notice it and tell it to pass by: "Oh, I'm feeling judgmental about myself. I can continue to be hard on myself or get back into the process of doing this project." This kind of meditation allows the inner critic to be a part of your experience but keeps it from blocking your ability to act. You can also say to the critic: "Mr. Critic, you may be useful later in this project, but not now."
We also have a need for approval that can block creativity. "Will anyone like my sculpture?" "What will people think of me if I try to dance and I'm clumsy?" "What if I'm off tune and someone hears me sing?" We are asking a basic question: "Will anyone love me if I'm all of me?" We all need love an approval, but the key to launching our creative power is to find the deepest sense of approval within ourselves. If we put the locus of our worth in the hands of other people...well, that ain't gonna turn out well. We damn ourselves to a life of trying to please other people.
Will anyone love me if
The use of the expressive arts in the creative process is a path to self-discovery, self-esteem, and self-empowerment. Becoming your own best source of approval might take a while. Practice paying attention to the part of you that needs approval. Accept it but don't let it dominate your behavior. You can say "I am aware that I would like someone to tell me I am doing well. I can give myself that pat on the back for now."
The need for love and approval is legitimate. But that need is tricky. The more we long for love and approval, the less we seem to get. I know from my own experiences that when I'm the neediest for love and approval, I don't get them. But when I'm in love or loving, more comes my way. Be authentic and true to your highest self. That's a straighter path to receiving genuine love and appreciation.
Fear of failure is another trip cord that gets in the way of us being fully creative. What is failure? "I did it wrong," "I'm no good," "I made a big mistake!" In the creative process—and in life generally—these are unhelpful statements. More helpful would be to say: "What can I learn from this situation?" "What would make this process or product more to my liking?" As a therapist working with artists, I see people struggling with their process and I remind them that there is no right or wrong to what they're doing. When they hear that, the tension releases.
Using expressive arts in an accepting, supportive environment such as therapy helps greatly in overcoming these blocks to creativity. If you're interested in exploring and re-discovering your creative process let me know!
The thoughts, beliefs, values, and emotions of artists are inescapably represented in their work – and on some occasions, intentionally depicted. Three of the more familiar connections between art and the functions of the mind are the ways in which artists express their own thoughts, feelings, and mental distress in their paintings; the use of art to help individuals with mental disorders; and the occasional emergence of a person with mental illness, untrained as an artist, who proves to have a unique artistic vision.
There are several famous artists throughout the course of art history who have documented psychiatric disorders and who expressed their thoughts and moods through their art. Some of these artists are: Mark Rothko, Edvard Munch, and Bernard Buffet. They each were known to have said that their artwork reflected their depressed mood. Art historians and writers have interpreted the paintings of some artists (including Paul Cézanne, Vincent van Gogh, and Jackson Pollock) as showing evidence of various psychotic disorders.
Psychotherapy clients are often at a loss to describe how they feel. The discipline of art therapy is devoted to helping individuals express themselves without the need for language or logic and their lack of artistic skill or training is no barrier to self-expression.
A few individuals with mental disorders have produced works that have gained the attention of artists, art dealers, art historians, collectors, and curators. Jean Dubuffet called their work “Art Brut,” (“rough art,” or “coarse art”). Roger Cardinal later defined a category he called “Outsider Art,” which included Art Brut and also the work of folk artists, primitive artists, and untrained artists without mental illness who were indifferent to the prevailing culture. Outsider artists are not influenced by the formal art world, and are therefore free of the restraining conventions of traditional art.
As a psychotherapist and a trained, professional artist, I am discovering another intersection of art and the mind: artwork produced by the psychotherapist with the emotional experience of the client as the subject. For several years, I have used my studio practice as a time where I can create paintings and drawings that reflect what I felt after leaving one of my own psychotherapy sessions. But recently I have been making paintings that depict the depression, mania, psychosis, and compulsions that my clients experience. These paintings have become valuable to me and have helped provide me with insight into my client’s journey. My initial purpose was to enter into the clients’ world of mental illness to help me understand it better, but now I am hoping to bring the paintings into therapy sessions to show to the client and use them as a springboard for the client further explore their universe.
A basic method of communication, given to us by God, is the ability to make and share images with one another. Whether or not the psychotherapy client creates the work him or herself or if he or she is simply responding to an image in front of them, it is often helpful for the client to direct “stuck” thoughts and feelings onto something outside of the self in order to get past the hurdle that they are facing and to enter into one’s personal experience more deeply.
As I continue on in my work as a therapist, my practice as an artist and my identity as a Christian, I will continue to pursue the use of God given creativity as a method and means of healing in the therapy room.
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